Now. Mace flakes. Not to be mistaken with Mace Spray, because Mace Spray is for baddies (eg people with axes loitering outside radio stations) and Mace flakes are for goodies, like me.
In an ideal world I would have liked to have done an experiment with my mace flakes, to see if they do in fact have a similar effect. I would have done this by taking a number of people, and introducing Mace Spray to the eyes of half of them, and mace flakes to the eyes of the other half. Then I would ask my "participants" to fill out a short questionnaire and I would note down some observations about their reactions, eg screaming, crying, begging me to stop, saying, "why, what did I ever do to you, I don't even KNOW you", etc.
To make it ultra scientific, I would control all the variables - for example, I wouldn't just rub the dried mace flakes in peoples eyes (then I would never know if their reactions were the result of the irritation caused by hard dried flakes being scraped up against their eyeballs) - I'd make Mace Water (by soaking some mace flakes in water for at least 48 hours) and spray this directly into their eyes.
To make it ultra ethical, I'd only use participants who are likely to have Mace sprayed in their eyes at some point in their life anyway. Like people with southern cross tattoos, and people with Bipolar.
Unfortunately I didn't have time to do any of this because February only has 28 days.
Ok, I hear what you're saying, "we didn't come here for a lesson on research methods, take us to the food". Greedy fucking bastards.
Mace is the outer covering of a nutmeg seed. It's bright red and attracts birds so that birds will nom the seed and carry it far far away. This is a very very clever and sneaky plant, that will manipulate birds into assisting it to travel across the land for free.
Apparently mace and nutmeg taste similar, but to me the mace tastes and smells more like eucalyptus (not that I've eaten eucalyptus - I'm not a koala, aka stoner bear). The flavour remains in my mouth for a really long time and kind of makes my tongue numb. If I were to hazard a guess I'd say nutmeg would be used more frequently in sweet dishes and mace more commonly in savoury.
This month I've decided to make a nonya achar - which is a pickle I used to eat as a kid. In my memories I imagine that my grandmother made it (my ma ma - mum's mum) but mum tells me no, it was my friend's ma ma. Perhaps as a kid I wished so badly that my ma ma would make achar that I just invented that memory. Like that 'memory' I have of my sister being eaten by a panther in the backyard under a Bridgestone Tyre neon sign, which clearly didn't happen because my sister is still alive. And because why the hell would ANYONE have a Bridgestone Tyre neon sign in their backyard.
As a kid whenever we had achar in the fridge I would get some straight out of the jar (with a utensil of course, mum would have killed me if she had seen me sticking my fingers in a jar) and walk around the house sucking on whatever morsel I had scored (usually a carrot or a cucumber, but I vaguely also remember cauliflower). Due to the extreme spiciness of the pickle my lips would swell up Sophie Monk-style, my tongue would go completely numb, and little tears would form at the corners of my eyes while I wandered in a euphoric haze. Oh, sweet sweet salty-spicy agony. My first friend.
So last week I whipped up a little achar which is happily soaking away in my fridge. A lot of it has already been given away and a lot of it has gone into my belly on a little bench of cheese on a cracker boat on an ocean of white wine.
I think it's pretty delicious and the mace is very distinct. The only comment I've had so far from someone who knows what it's supposed to taste like was from mum. "The cucumber is too salty." But it's supposed to be salty, it's a PICKLE. Sheeeeez.
The best thing I discovered about mace (apart from it looking like dried human skin) is that in large quantities it's apparently a mild hallucinogen, owing to containing small amounts of elemicin and myristicin. I was unable to test this out either - 28 days in February and all. Sorry.
The jar is for you Jase - come pick it up soon. xo
Achar
3 carrots - cut into chunky sticks
3 cucumbers - cut into chunky strips, seeds removed
1 chinese cabbage
Handful of green beans
2 spring onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic
Thumb sized piece of galangal
3 fresh chillies
20 dried chillies
Tbsp dried mace flakes
Tsp serai (lemongrass powder)
Tbsp turmeric powder
2 cups white vinegar
Half cup rice wine
Juice of 3 limes
2 cups crushed roasted peanuts
Half cup roasted sesame seeds
Half cup sugar
Peanut oil
1. Rub salt into the cucumber and carrots and let them sit for half an hour before rinsing and drying well.
2. Boil the beans and cabbage very quickly but don't cook them through. Drain very well.
3. In a food processor, blend together the garlic, spring onions, chillies and galangal with half a cup of water. Alternatively, if you, like me, don't have a food processor, you could just cut everything into miniscule little pieces and beat it to a pulp with a mortar and pestle - it only takes like, four hours.
4. Fry the stuff that you just mooshed up in peanut oil with the turmeric and serai until it starts to smell delicious and the spices start to separate from the oil.
5. Add in 1 cup vinegar and the rice wine, 1/2 cup sugar and some salt. Stir and remove from the heat.
6. Mix in all the veges and add the lime juice, then the peanuts and sesame seeds. Finally add the mace and mix through. Taste the juicy goodness and adjust according to taste, adding more sugar/salt/vinegar.
7. Refrigerate in large pyrex or casserole dish.
8. Make sure you wash your hands before rubbing your eyes or genitals. Chili can be a bitch.
That looks amazing! Can't wait to taste your latest addition to the collection! X
ReplyDelete